I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
