Your favorite bartender is back from prision
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
