im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
