U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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