Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
