R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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