lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
