Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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