i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
