I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
