Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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