I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
