**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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