we're blogging at a bar
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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