My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize