She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
