Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
