Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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