Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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