can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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