I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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