If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
