actually, I'm a sock model
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
