I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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