Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We are all done wearing pants today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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