youre lurking in front of me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
