He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
