When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
