ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
