Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
