Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
