she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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