im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
