I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
