you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
