just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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