It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
