God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
