I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
