Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
