I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
