Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
