I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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