Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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