Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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