I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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