girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
