pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
