I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish my penis had an off switch
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
