My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
