Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
