There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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