Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
