I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize