I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
