What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
