He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
