She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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