i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
