i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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