Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
