I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
