Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
