i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
