Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
