I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
