I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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