So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
